One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night -Christopher Brookmyre

One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other.

One was blind and the other couldn't see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play
A dumb man went to shout "hurray!"

A paralyzed donkey passing by
Kicked the blind man in the eye.
Knocked him through a nine-inch wall
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came to arrest the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this story's true
Ask the blind man, he saw it, too!